Miss you Chachu!

Syed Zafar Mehdi 

… It has been quite a while now, but these wounds won’t seem to heal. This pain is just too frigging real. Your graceful presence still lingers on; still your absence is sorely felt. I have tried hard to convince myself that you are gone, but though you are still with me, I have been feeling lonely, abandoned and weak. Chachu, you used to captivate us, you used to be the cynosure of eyes, the centre of attention. Now we are bound by the life you left behind. I wanna cry sometimes. I miss you.

I never thanked you for everything you did. I thought I might get one more chance, now I will never have one. I closed my eyes last night and saw you coming to me on silver wings of light, asking me what was wrong, I smiled and said nothing. When you turned around, a teardrop trickled down and I whispered to myself, everything is. Yes, in your absence, everything is. Chachu, I know you are shining down from heavens, and I know we will be together one beautiful day. But I miss you.

Every time I feel low or sad these grueling days far from the folks at home, I wish you were here to comfort me in your inimitable style. Whenever I have a long hard day at work, I wish I could smile knowing that soon I’ll be seeing you, and everything would seem better, even if it’s just for a moment. When I lay down at night, I just muse back and cherish the old memories we have had together. When I get up in the morning, I wish I could smile, knowing that this will be another day we’ll be together. I miss you Chachu. Why did you leave us like this? So suddenly, shockingly?

Chachu you had so much to live for, so much to do, then why did you bid us adieu like this. Emptiness and memories have taken your place now. But I won’t stand at your grave and weep; I know you never slept much. You are the thousand winds that blow, the sunlight on ripened grain, the diamond glint on snow. You are in my heart and mind. You are in my prayers and in everything I do. But I still miss you.

I vividly remember the days you would drop us at school every morning and bring us back home in evenings, walking all the way to our school through those long paddy fields in scorching heat. But why did you go like this, without even informing? Nothing hurts more than waiting, since I don’t even know what I’m waiting for anymore. I wish I could hold you now, talk to you, be with you somehow, somewhere.

Chachu, I will always carry the regret that I couldn’t get to see you one last time, to be with you before you took the long walk back to heavens. I couldn’t be by your side when you were lying in excruciating pain at hospital in your last days. I wish I could look into your eyes one last time and tell you how much I loved and cared. I just don’t feel like going home now. I hate desolation. In our absence, everything has lost sheen. But, life moves on. Nevertheless.

Jaate hue kehte ho qayamat ko milien ge 

Kya khoob qayamat ka hai, goya koi din aur 

 

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About Zafar Mehdi
Maverick journalist, irreverent rebel, travel freak, cricket junkie, reluctant fundamentalist, student of life, dreamer, believer.

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